Babies, Babies, Everywhere

When we got back from visiting Celine and David at the hospital, we saw the cutest little bunch. Clara, James, Carl, Joshua, Libby and all the other kids in room 115 were lined up on this tiny little balcony waiting for all of the volunteers to arrive. They had been through the whole day without any excitement while we were gone. We took pictures of them as long as we
wanted to. They would just look through the bars and stare at us while they said hello in Chinese and laughed hysterically. Even James though we were amusing. That sight was the most beautiful thing in the world. I have never been able to see so many children smile in just one month. Another month is beginning. The time went fairly fast, but also fairly slow. I will never forget the first few days when all I had to eat was nuts and all I could do was sleep. It is all worth it. I have adapted here and I never want to leave,

I know dad, it is probably not what you wanted to hear...
but the experience is also not what I expected either.

I want to thank my family for all their support. My mom, my dad, my brothersand sisters, my friends and (of course) my Grandparents.
Mat

Roller blading in China

I gave my talk today in sacrament meeting. I spoke about "Friends" from the strength of youth pamphlet.

I thought I got up at 6:00 this morning, but it was really 7:00 and so Amanda thought I was late to meet her and grab a taxi, but it was just a blonde moment for me.

Morgan is here laying on my pillow at this moment while I create my blog post. She was crying while I had to help feed Ethan and so she was all alone. In my talk I explained that one of my most favorite people is my sister, she is my best BEST friend and that is why I named her Morgan. After only a week, we have realized they have all fit their names perfectly. I was going to name Morgan "Joanna." I am glad I didn't.

Yesterday morning I woke up at 4:25 and I went to the basketball court to roller blade and (of course) play with my new basketball. Many people that walked by were only up so early because they were going to work, or they were exercising. One man made his dog go where he was going just so he could just stand and stare at the weird American girl.

I could understand why people would just stop and stare. I was very blonde. I had straitened my hair the day before and it was very shiny and wavy. I was also in very nice roller blades that went very fast around the court and so it must have looked very strange to see such an athletic blonde head on a basketball court, rollerblading so early in the morning in China.

Now it is Sunday in the afternoon and Eathan laughed at me. I got a picture and even a video of it. he is starting to get a little more comfortable here, and so am I, a little too comfortable. :)

Mat

Hospital Visit

Here at Starfish I have witnessed a large number of problems people have had to work through. We are low on volunteers, the babies are getting sicker and two are in the hospital, but the sun comes up and we all get through the day. Some day's are emotional, others are bitter sweet. When a child is adopted, it affects many people here, and when a child dies from a disease, infection, or hunger, it affects all of us. '

When we were told Celine had passed away, we could still tell (somehow) that this news was not true, and in fact, it wasn't true. I think there are things in life we will never explain, and will never understand. That feeling of faith and hope came from somewhere, but the question is "from where?" I believe, when a miracle happens, it comes from a heartfelt prayer, and no matter how small that prayer is, that blessing still comes. The hospital was poor. It was very large and well built, but unsanitary and ugly on the inside. There was a sense of death and sickness where ever you went. Nobody smiled, or said hello, nobody showed any sign of life, because the feeling was no more than a small sign of pain and discomfort. I was glad when we arrived on the 3rd floor to see Celine and David. I had never held Celine before, nor David. Rachel Smith (the teacher from Britain) is leaving us on Sunday to go back to her home in Nottingham. She fell in love with David the first day he arrived at Starfish. She was the only one
to hold him and of course everyone had no hard feelings about that. Both the babies will come home in a couple days.

When I held Celine, she seemed too weak to carry. Surprisingly, she was strong enough to cry in my arms. :) You may not see it on my face, but I was silently crying as she looked at me. She was too small. Over and over again I herd the words, "How can some one let this happen to a child, let her get so sick that she can not even breath on her own. We all knew sometimes it wasn't anybody's fault, but this child was abandoned and close to death because of carelessness. She was three months old and weighed only about 6 pounds. The first picture is of when we got back to the foster home, all the kids were in a line waiting for our arrival, we took pictures and said hi, but when we had to leave, they sobbed dramatically.

I love the experiences I have had while in Xian, but to see the babies in the hospital was unexpected and inhumane. We left the hospital and. I stayed home to write about the day while everyone went out to eat Indian food. Rachel also stayed. She is feeling sad about leaving David, but she said that if he makes it to his first birthday, she will be there for it.

I would give anything to be here for it too.








Mat

Panic Overseas

I apologize to my family for the panic I had shown and maybe have caused.
They have recently put in 3,000 dollars into my savings account to show I
have enough to stay for one more month. If I did not show proof of the 3,000
dollars, they would not have extended my visa.
Last night, I went to withdraw 1000 RMB/Yuan to pay for my visa the next
day. After I finished withdrawing the money, I went for a small walk in the park. It
was dark and cool. It was a very nice night to take a walk. I smelled the
fairly fresh air as I took my evening stroll on the rock patterned path, and
I also went to explore the different shops I might want to enter the next
day, but the pedicure and manicure shop was closed that night.

I started to walk back to the apartment. I put my bag on my bed. I walked
out of my room and immediately I remembered what I had forgotten to do at the
ATM machine. I hadn't taken out my card! I did not push the button that spit
my card back out! Why didn't I do that? How could I have been so careless!
I ran out the door, down the paved path to the tunnel, through the gate,
through the tunnel, across the street and to the ATM machine. I immediately
knew, either someone had found out it was in there and had taken it out and
given it to the bank, or they had withdrawn money from my account while
the card was still inside. They couldn't have given it to the bank because
the bank was closed. I ran back to the apartments and made an emergency
call to my mom to see if money was stolen. The phone call did not work
and I had to chat with her on gmail. We put on video chat on google. I
could hear her and see her, but she could only see me, and I had to type the
message to her. I didn't see a surprise on her face, nor concern, she just
checked my account and comfirmed nothing was stolen. I could breath again.

My worry was not being stolen* from*, but having my Aunt (Shannon) being
stolen from. It was not our 3,000 dollars, it was hers. What a horrible
time to have that experience. What a dreadful memory to have. I will
remember this panicking feeling my whole life, and now, I am scarred with
it.

The next day, I was able to arrange a time to get my card back out of the
machine if it was not taken out and was just swallowed while I was gone.
Meanwhile, I went to extend my time in China for another month. It was
surprisingly easy, but I had help from Roshney, another volunteer, also.


Today was a good day, I don't know about yesterday. ???

Tired but Happy

The first day at Starfish I realized I was going to be here a very long time. I knew it was going to be a "long" time, but I finally put it into perspective that it would be a "very" long time.Not a very long time that I would be here, a long time that I wouldn't be there, there with my family, there with my grandparents. I finally understood how much bonding I had developed with the ones I loved over all these years.

I pictured adventure as a open door with opportunities, I just didn't know that when I went through that door I would be so clueless as to how these experiences would happen, or when they would happen, or where exactly they would happen. For instance I came to take care of children, children who were abandoned, who (to many) look "ugly". I imagined the building messy, unkempt, gloomy, depressing, but all in all, an adventure. It isn't like this in any way. The nannies are experienced, funny and loving to the babies. The building is tall, old, well organized and remodeled. Amanda is strong, smart, funny, straight forward and adventurous. The volunteers are from Britain, Holland, America, Switzerland and they are all now my best friends. The children love everyone. They are optimistic and make you feel like smiling all the time. And China: Large, creative, loud with fire works every evening, and very, very memorable. Every day here his one small adventure.

Last night was a hard day. We are under quarantine with the six newest additions to the orphanage. We, the volunteers, nor the new babies can mix with the rest of the orphanage for 3 weeks to lessen the chance that the new ones could contaminate the existing children. Ethan (the small, double cleft baby) would cry more and more every chance he got. If he was tired, he fought to stay awake, if he was hungry, he wouldn't accept being fed the way we have to (through a special bottle for cleft lip babies.) I held him half the day. No one took him from me. They felt sorry for me, but each minute I felt more and more tired. He gave me these stares as if I was going to torture him. His eye's became more and more heavy. Finally, I was
able to sit down and rock him in his jumper seat. And when he opened his eyes again, I was already asleep on the couch. Then I went to bed when the other volunteers had everything under control.

I miss my family (of course) but I would do this 100 more times if I got the chance.

Mat

New Babies

Soon after being at Starfish, me and all the other volunteers found out we were going to be taking care of six new babies that were going to be taken in from another orphanage in Ulin. You could see the excitement in all our faces as we waited for the them to arrive that evening. We were told they would be here between 3:00 pm and 4:00 pm, but they hadn't arrived yet. We waited quietly and impatiently for them to arrive. We had all our cameras out and some were even turned on for minutes at a time. Nobody said anything unless it was about the babies we were going to be taking care of for at least three weeks before they were well enough to be with all the other babies. Finally, as I paced back an forth, the door flung open dramatically and, one by one, they came through the door being held by their nannies.

Amanda put numbers on each one to keep track of all of them. After one would be numbered, she would yell out "Ok, who wants to hold this one?" Then one of the volunteers would spring out of the crowd and take the small little thing from one of the nannies. Finally they were all numbered, and I still hadn't held any of them. I stood there and took pictures but felt left out. All were without names, all were skinny and dirty and all had something, or some reason why they were orphaned.

One volunteer finally let me hold a baby. This small little thing remained calm as we passed her from one person to the other. She glowed. Her eyes were the darkest I have ever seen. She stared deep into mine. I smiled, but she did not smile back. She looked so innocent. I took another long look at her. I felt her tiny feet as I rocked her back and forth. I couldn't see anything abnormal about her. She had no cleft pallet, there was no heart condition, she was just there. I fell in love with her. She was different from the others because she was normal. It was odd to see such a beautiful baby placed here in an orphanage filled with babies with problems who might have never even been alive if it weren't for Amanda.

Of course this little thing would still be alive, but she wouldn't be here in my arms. It was a wonderful experience from the time they walked through the door, to now.I could have been an hour away at the panda resort staying in a hotel. I could have been taking pictures of baby pandas, but I expected nothing more to be a part of while in an orphanage. I expected nothing better. I stayed in the apartment and took pictures of these babies. It was great to share such an experience with everyone here, but then I remembered how much more wonderful it would have been if my sister were there. I can only imagine the look on her face while holding these precious little things. Yes, Morgan should have been here.

That night, as we took turns holding all six babies, the one remained in my arms. The two boys were finally named. One, Daniel, one Ethan. Then, Laura, one of the volunteers, picked out the name, Jane, for the spina-bifida baby, who had a large sack on her back that was still tender and needed a lot of care. She is also very beautiful.

There was one baby apart from the others who did not seem like she would live through the night. Her breathing was horrible. Amanda made an appointment at the hospital in two days. Steven (another volunteer) named her after his niece, Celine. Then we voted on Michelle for the cleft lip baby. She is a cutey as well. The last one that needed a name was in my arms. Amanda looked at me and said "Well, the name, whats her name Mattie?", I replyed ... "Morgan". Finally, we had cleaned them, weighed them, fed and changed them and then settled down to hold and rock them to sleep. We took shifts all night long to take care of the babies, me and another volunteer took the first shift from 12:00 am to 1:00am. They call Morgan "my baby" now. I keep telling them "she is every ones responsibility and I just picked the name" but I feel like it's true now. She's mine.

The next morning, Celine was getting worse. Steve and his girl friend (Roshney) took her to the emergency room. We waited to hear from them. One of the nannies came in with bad news and told us she had passed away. She said she was 99 percent sure this news was true. That one little percent lead everyone to believe she was still alive. The next two hours were quiet and awkward with worrying. We had a nice meal. As we sat around the table, the phone rang. Someone picked it up. "Hello?" he asked, "Ok, thank you so much.", and then put the phone down. I felt a sink in my stomach until he said "She's fine!" My stomach floated back up. We enjoyed the night and celebrated. The rest of the time was enjoyable and we laughed realizing our great fortune.

Morgan smiles now, she loves the attention and I still don't even want to think of the day I have to leave her and move forward to more experiences and more adventures I know I won't forget, but this, this will never ever ever....ever replace all those new life experiences I know will soon come my way.

Mat :)

Being a Tourist

Yesterday night the city was full of buses, cars, bikes and motorcycles, but
more than ever, it was full of people, and this time, some were not Chinese.
We took a leap that night to be a little more adventurous. Me and the
volunteers decided to try something a little more in the area
of Chinese culture, so we grabbed two taxis to the Drum tower. The tower
was next to the bell tower and that where me and Kelsey were dropped off and
so we had to dodge the moving buses, cars, bikes, motorcycles and even the
people to get to our friends who were dropped off where they were supposed to
be. Kelsey and I found them taking pictures of each other in front of this
tower and were also being asked by others to take a pictures for them. The
odd thing was, is they wanted us in their pictures.
The market was a very large tourist attraction. We joined the crowd and
followed them in the direction they went most. Everything we saw was either
hand made, home cooked, or an antique. Some people even went there to sell one
object just for some extra money. Megan sat down to rest. A man offered to
buy her water bottle. She refused him and we continued to venture into the
unknown. Smiling as I went, I was tortured by my feet. I had no knowledge of
what the environment would be like and had worn high heels. It was hot
outside and so I decided to where a skirt, but I had no better shoes to
put on with that skirt other than my high heels I brought to wear on Sundays.
A beggar woman sat on the side walk with a tiny white handful of one
Yuans, she was old and not well dressed in any way. Her teeth were rotting and
I wondered how she was ever able to walk. It reminded me of the
orphans who's parents did not want some of them because they thought they
wouldn't take care of them when they had gotten older. I felt pity for this
old woman, but then their was also a feeling of shame, as if she was the
problem for her problems. I didn't think of it anymore after I passed. My
eyes looked towards a small shop with beautiful combs that looked as if they
were made from petrified wood, but looking at the price, they couldn't have
been. I bought one and bargained until I got it down to 20 Yuan, which was
about 4 dollars in US money. I found another attraction that led me to buy a
beautiful Chinese compass made out of wood with carvings. It was shaped into
a small turtle and I thought of my young women's group. For this year of
girls camp we enjoyed the turtle for part of our theme. I put it
into my bag. I offered her 30 yuan for it, she laughed as if i was joking
and told me it was worth 80. I finaly bargained at last 60 and she agreed.
The last thing I bought from the market was a black pottery turning pot. It
plays music. I tried to play some tunes, but I think I need more practice.
The man offered it to me for only 15 Yuan. I was surprised at his offer and of course
took it. He carved my name into the side of the pot. I said xie xie (thank you ) and we
went back out of the crowd to find two more taxis back to the orphanage.

Throwing Starfish Fosterhome

I love the children here. Issac was the first one I fell in love with. I rock him to sleep and feed him every chance I get. The nannies know how much I love him and they let me change his diaper once. He loves me and I think I am going to attempt to take him home with me. I wish my parents would adopt him for me so I wouldn't have to kidnap him. China is like home to me now. I feel like I've known all of these babies my whole life. The other volunteers are now my best friends and we all have a good time together walking through the old Chinese gardens, shopping at the large Lotus Chinese store and we even go to the church branch each Sunday together. I am now starting to adapt to the environment and can get used to just going for it and crossing the street without waiting for the cars to stop for me... because they never do. The taxi drivers are naturally a deadly weapon. Try to avoid the Chinese taxi drivers here in China. I will leave you to enjoy the pictures.
Stay sane!!!

First day in Xian China

I flew from Salt Lake City to Los Angelos, to Korea and then from Korea to Xian, China. I spent at least one hour in the airport waiting to be taken to the orphanage, but no one came for me. I waited until I got the courage to go to the police and ask for help. Unfortunately, they did not speak English. We found one Chinese that could translate to them what I was trying to tell them and finally, she understood when I said, Starfish Foster home Foundation. She had remembered this from the news and told the police she could help me. They took me to the office. I waited as they tried to find the address to the orphanage. As I waited, I tried very hard to be calm and began telling myself "at least it's not a life threatening situation". Finally they knew where to take me. I had thought they would take me in their police car, but they exchanged my money into Chinese money and they put me into a taxi cab instead. I tried even harder not to cry while hoping he knew where to take me. He stopped at a gas station for a few minutes and so I felt even worse that it would take longer than I thought it would to get there. We drove up to a large side walk that led into a deep tunnel of small shops that sold toys, food and other odd Chinese things. At the end of the tunnel was a gate, but I couldn't see through it very well, all I saw through that gate was green, perhaps trees and bushes, but there was a lot of it. The taxi driver got out of the car and pulled out my bags. I payed him. When he got out back into the car, I began to panic again. I assumed he was leaving me to find this orphanage by myself, but still, I knew some how, I would be perfectly fine at the end of the day. Fortunately, all he was doing was parking in a better area and he began to wait with me. A couple of minutes later, A short, skinny Chinese woman revealed herself when she walked out of the shadows from the tunnel and walked towards us. She had a long pretty face with beautiful mysterious eyes, but she looked worn out and I realized, this was one of the nannies I would be going with to the orphanage building. My heart began to beat slower and slower. I said zai jian and xie xie to the taxi driver. The woman escorted me through the dark tunnel to the gate. A nice gentlemen in uniform unlocked the gate and held it open as we passed through the squeaky door. I looked down at my bags to make sure I would not get them stuck as I passed him, but when I looked up at the wide open gardens of green, I pictured how my first real adventure was going to be, I found exactly what I was looking for, my adventure home. I could hear birds and though the heat was unbearable, their was a moist smell I longed to smell my whole life. This was what I thought a rain forest would smell like. The nanny and I walked up a steep path up to the tall apartment buildings and I finally arrived. I met an English speaking Chinese woman. Her name was Helen and this was her last day working in the orphanage, but she was fortunately here to help me get settled. She introduced me to a girl named Kelsey. Later I learned she was from Utah also and I would be sharing a room with her. I set my bags down in a room that was newly painted orange and had a very beautiful window that let in natural sun light. I took a shower. I walked through the room full of babies that I hardly realized were there at the time because of the lack of sleep. I plopped right on the large cushioned bed and slept through the whole night.
This was my first day in Xian, but the next morning I would wake up to a wonderful new day and I would meet the orphans for the very first time.