A Moms' Feelings

Madison asked me write something about how I feel about having a daughter gone at such a young age. I thought I should do it since today she comes home and tomorrow it won't quite be the same. I can hardly sit here calmly without wanting to run around the house screaming, I am so excited!

I knew from the time Madison was little that she was a very unique person and would do unique things. It has been very good for our relationship that we were together for most of her life. We needed to come to terms with how to be a mother and a daughter peaceably. I believe that if she had gone to school it would have been very easy for me to dismiss working out our problems. But it was when she turned 8 it all began to get better. She became much more mature at talking things out and trying to see another point of view. I remember she wanted to learn about plants. We got her some seeds and some plants that she would plant around the yard and tend them. She had a fish that she doted on. I think she eventually killedthe fish as the water was always continually being changed. She would cry herself to sleep because she wanted a cat so badly. Her dad finally gave in and they went down and adopted Charlotte that she has taken care of with such devotion. When she was 12 her grandparents were lamenting that they wished one of their grandchildren would want to go to China and learn Chinese. Madison was sitting there, her quiet little self. She said quietly, "I'll go." and from that moment on it was about all she thought about. She studied Chinese formally and informally. She wrote characters with pencil, pen markers, she even embroidered them. Finally after about 3 1/2 years we found a place she could go. All our efforts up till then were fruitless when it came to finding a safe place for her to be in China. We couldn't make any headway with how to get her there and with whom she could live. Amanda de Lange was featured in the BYU magazine for receiving the humanitarian of the year award at the university. She runs an orphanage in Xi'an, China and in the article it mentioned volunteers. Madison was breathless when she wrote to Amanda asking if she could come and volunteer being just 15 at the time. Amanda graciously wrote back and said of course she could come, they would love to have her. We couldn't believe it. We were so excited! Finally the dream would come true.

As time neared for her to go, I was feeling very hollow in my soul that we wouldn't have her with us for possibly a year. Her plane ticket was bought. She was to leave in a week. We made a quick trip to the Unitahs for one last hurrah with our backpacks. She left on a Tuesday and she was to arrive at 12:30 at night our time after about 24 hours of traveling and waiting in airports. About 10:30 am China time. When I hadn't heard from her by 1:30 am I called the orphanage. The Chinese woman that I spoke with spoke English very well. She said they weren't expecting any volunteers that day but that if someone was coming she had heard that all the flights were very late. I felt a panic come over me. I paced the house. I called the airline, the airport, no answer. I checked online. The flight had landed on time. I was just going to call the U.S. consulate when I thought I'd try the orphanage one more time. A different woman answered that didn't speak English. She giggled as I tried to communicate. She hung up. I called back. The same thing happened. I called again. She handed the phone to someone else who giggled too. They hung up again. I tried again and finally the woman who spoke English, the most beautiful voice I had ever heard told me that she had just arrived and was in the shower. She told me to call back in 10 minutes and Madison would answer the phone. When I finally talked with her, it was terrifying to hear that no one had picked her up from the airport. The orphanage had the wrong day.

As time passed, she had wonderful experiences. She had times when she had to think hard and figure things out. She had to count more on herself than she ever had in her life before. She had rely on Heavenly Father. She was magnificent with His help.

I went to Peru when I was sixteen. I stayed there for 11 months. It changed my whole outlook on the world and my place in it. I was forever changed to view my fellow creatures as actual children of God who were loved by Him just as He loved me. It made me realize what was really important in life and, thankfully, I have never forgotten that.

I have wanted all my children to have an experience like I had. Madison was the first to make the attempt and I am curious to find out how this will change her.

I have missed her terribly. She is the one that can take her younger brothers and sister and keep them entertained for hours in friendly concentration. I have missed seeing her daily creations of pinned bugs or drawings. I have so missed hearing her play the cello; those deep sonorous sounds wafting through the house. Visiting her in her room, immaculate and beautiful.

Her dad and I have held our breath quite a few times waiting to hear the outcome of her adventures from day to day. Skype is such a blessing. I think I will write a thank you letter to it's creator.

We leave for the airport in about 3 hours to pick her up. If her plane is on time, we will rush to the church where she will get in on the last few minutes of the girls volleyball game and surprise everyone. I can't wait!!!