The Zoo

Today I found out just how different America is from the Chinese. It isn't just hard on the people, but also on the animals.

I was excited at first when I understood we were going to see the zoo. We walked through the entrance and had to pass all the children's rides to get to the main part where all the animals were. There was a lot of beautiful vegetation and statues, one of which was a very large ox made out of tin and must of been about 50 feet tall. I corrected Lai Si when she told me it was an elephant. It made me laugh, but at least she learned something new.

We came to the first exhibit, which were full of bunny rabbits. It was a small petting zoo. Lai Si and her husband told me I could go in with Didi (their grandson) and feed the rabbits lettuce. There were about 30 rabbits in their little habitat, and there must have been 20 kids surrounding them. I followed Didi around as he pet and fed some of the rabbits. Finally Lai Si and her husband realized that they were also allowed to go in, and so they did. I stood there and watched the kids play with the rabbits, but when I looked closer, I could see the cruelty they all were showing the poor things. The rabbits weren't getting fed right and they were very bony. The grown ups didn't care if their kids kicked or spit on them, they were just there, and the kids were taking over their lives. Lai Si wanted me to get in a picture with Didi and a rabbit he had managed to collect and put on top of a rock. I posed and thought the picture was harmless, but that one picture wasn't enough, and since the rabbit had jumped away, Lai si's husband found a very large brown one and snatched it up by its ears. He wasn't gentle with it at all, and I refused to be in the picture. Didi and his grandfather held the rabbit down very forcefully while Lai Si laughed and took pictures. This one was harmful, and I was glad the little guy had kicked hard enough to get away. One of the workers saw them and told them something, I was hoping the lady was telling them not to be so hard on the rabbits, and I am pretty sure that is what she said, because then they looked kind of guilty and we walked out of the petting zoo after that.

I followed them around as we saw all the other animals. There were four tigers in separate cages that where smaller than my room, and they also did not seem healthy either. I had never seen white Siberian tigers before, but did not want to see them this way. The cages were very dirty and not well kept. They were forced out for display instead of the dark sleeping area they would most enjoy. I walked by slowly and saw all the excited people snapping at them with their cameras. I knew how they felt. I remember when I was younger, this is the kind of thing I wanted to prevent and I hope, someday, I can still try.

We came to a large rocky path with small miniature Pygmy horses tied up to trees. They were there for little children to ride. Lai Si payed the trainer and put Didi on top of the horse. She said "small horse!" in English and laughed. I said it back to her in Chinese and she laughed again. Before the trainer was about to lead the horse, they all pointed to me to get on too. I was very surprised they would let someone as tall and large as I am to get on as well. I refused very forcefully and walked away, but I stood by the horse just so Lai Si could take pictures. I felt a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach and didn't want to stay any longer, but I followed anyway. I didn't feel like I was there to see China at all and to see different things, I was mainly tagging around to baby sit Didi.

We saw giraffes, who were smart enough not to go near the people and had an OK amount of space to run, but there were no trees, just a giant umbrella in the middle of their home.

Then I saw, in the distance, Camels, but they weren't in cages, they were also being used for people to ride on like the tiny horses. I knew Lai Si was going to ask me if I wanted to ride one, but I decided I didn't want anything to do with this cruelty. She didn't ask me... she begged me, because if I wouldn't go on, then Didi wouldn't be able to go on, because I was said to be the only one qualified to get on and hold him so he wouldn't fall off. I told her she should go, but for some reason she refused and must of thought I didn't want to do it because she would have to pay for it. I gave in to her nagging and held Didi's hand on the ladder as we both climbed on to the large animal. The camel was warm and I felt I was making it very hard for him to walk, mostly because he already had so many people ride him that day. The camels there were also not well taken care of, and everyday they were forced to walk on cement not like what they were made to walk on which was sand. People stared a lot, but I didn't care anymore. I put my head down and just couldn't bring myself to smile for the pictures Lai Si took. Didi didn't smile either. He was too young to realize where he was, or what he was even riding on, which made me feel even worse.

There was also a Panda display, but it was not occupied with any Panda's at the time. Yes I wondered why, but whereever they were, I hoped it was better than the environment that was waiting for them. After we walked away from the Panda exhibit, we went to see the Sun Bears. I could tell what kind they were from reading about them and writing about them and drawing them when I was younger. These bears were endangered, and if keeping them here in this awful place was an act of saving them from a tragedy in the past, they would have been better off dead. Their home was mostly full of garbage from all the people throwing food and trash down at them for their own entertainment. I could see gum wrappers, chip packages, and people were throwing many other things down as I watched. Someone got one of the bears attention, and threw peicess of cucumbers down to him. He caught them in his mouth and the people really enjoyed it. But these poor animals were suffering from food poisoning. This life has been endangering their diet and the way they are suppose to be living. If this wasn't happening, then they might actually have a chance so that they can live. A lot of what these bears were eating was sugar, and even though the zoo keepers knew about it, they did nothing, and now the trash just kept piling up. You would think, just by looking around, these animals were being taken care of because of how well made the outside was. There were fountains and bridges and food courts, but inside their homes were nothing but a bunch of empty water bowls and garbage.

We went into the Orangutan apartment. There were three cages but one giant Orangutan lying on the hard cement floor. He was right up next to the cage, but there were people huddled around him, and it seemed like he wanted to move, but it was hard for him. This poor creature didn't seem like how he should be either. He was large, but weak. He seemed very lonely where he was, even with all the faces looking at him. Since he was huddled down looking straight, one young teenager got down and looked right at him making faces. I've learned in many books I have read that when an animal senses he is being stared at, and can see your eyes looking into his, it is as if you are ready to charge or mean harm, but of course, this animal had gotten use to the staring and was not led to believe what he should as a wild animal. Lai Si turned to me. She said, In English, "only one," and frowned, and I thought, "thank goodness."

I didn't want to do what the people were doing. I saw from a distance and then walked away after Lai Si was done taking pictures. I knew there were places like this, I just didn't realize such a reality would catch up to me so quickly.

The most natural and well kept environment was for the red panda. I was glad that such an endangered species was in such a fine environment, unlike many very unfortunate animals there. When we left all of these horrible scenes, we came back the the large ox sculpture. there were kids playing around it, but in order to get near it, you had to climb a bit to get onto the main placement it was built on. Didi really wanted to climb up and see it up close, but his Yeye and Nainai couldn't climb, so I had to. I didn't mind it very much, it was a good time to show off my climbing skills to all the people that were still staring and taking pictures. When I got up, I walked around with Didi as he played around and I made sure he wasn't near the edge. He is a very destructive little boy, and began to throw rocks at the sculpture. It was very loud and I just stood there waiting till he got bored. Afterwards, we got down and made our way to the children's rides. There was a small train that went in a large circle, and I rode on it with Lai Si and Didi. I accidentally left my bubbles Lai Si had bought me on the seat and some one had already taken it when I realized they were gone.

After the train ride, we all got on a large raft that we rented and used for about 25 minutes. I was the driver, Didi shot the large gun next to me, and Lai Si and her husband sat in the back eating cantaloupe. It was difficult to keep the boat going where I wanted it to without running into anyone. But I was a pretty good driver and it was only until Didi wanted to drive that I began to get concerned. His Yeye and Naini had no problem letting him do it and I couldn't explain to them how difficult it really was. Well, the kid ran into a couple things, one of which was another boat and this little situation drove more and more people to stare at the little American girl even more. I didn't let him do it alone for very long and finally, we all got off alive.

I only had to ride one more ride with Didi before we left. All the children's rides looked very beat down and were about to fall apart, but I got in the ride anyway and steered the wheel while Didi shot all the fake animals, which were, Lions, Tigers, Monkeys, Hippo's and Elephants. What an encouragement huh?

When the ride finally stopped, we left the zoo. At the entrance, Lai Si got Didi a dinosaur balloon, me, a red fish balloon and her, a white horse balloon.

Yes, then the day ended with a feeling of experience and adventure, just not the kind I would have hoped for.

Was that the kind of day I would do over again. Yes, because then I could choose how I would spend it.

Mat

An African Marketplace in China

Jinan seems a little quieter then Xian was, mainly because they keep it simpler with a little more tradition and culture here. I have seen most of the city and I can already tell that making themselves comfortable is no problem. They understand what they must do to survive. They have no care in the world about what others think about them and how they make their living, or even how disgusting it seems. If it sells, it goes.

Two days ago, I by understood this by experience. The market place here in Jinan is one of the largest produce areas in the city. I saw almost all different kinds of vegetables and fruits in this area. The market seemed almost hidden from the large roads and buildings. It was kept on a lot surrounded by many different kinds and colors of walls. There were about five truck loads of garlic roots which were (of course) selling very well. It did not seem like a Chinese area to me. It was almost exactly like what I pictured an African market to look like. There were many different colors and smells. The way I could tell I was still in China was because of the same faces and eyes, and maybe because of the garlic too. This place, in a way, made my stomach ache with homesickness, maybe because I've watched "The Gods Must Be Crazy" too many times. Because when I see the scenes where the school teacher is held hostage, or spends the night in the wild, It reminded me of how many different things could go wrong while this far from home. Anything could happen to me now, it was like I was on an exposed mountain ledge. But along with that crazy homesickness feeling, there was excitement. I saw so many poor and homeless faces at that market place, but when they saw my face, they asked questions and smiled at me. We had bought some apples and vegetables while we were there, but not much food at all, and this market place was pretty far from the apartment building, but I smiled back at all those faces and just enjoyed the ride.

There must have been at least 250 men and women there selling anything they could that they grew, but most of them looked like they had been in one spot for days hoping to sell as much as possible. It was very crowded with people and we were the only little vehicle trying to get through.

Me, Nei nei, and Lai Si's husband went together that day, while Lai Si stayed home.

Nei nei is Lai Si's mother. She is smaller than I am and looks about 96 years old. She smokes and drinks a lot of tea, and I wonder how in the world she is still here. She walks in the house with only a cane to support her, but when we go out, she has a wheel chair to ride in. It doesn't seem like her mind left her as she aged, but she has lost most percentage of her hearing. She laughs at me the most when I pronounce "eat" or "egg" and though we can't communicate to each other at all, we know about one another and I consider her my friend.

We both sat in the three wheeled car together while Lai Si's husband stopped every once in a while to talk to strangers, or to ask about the produce. When we were finally able to get through all the crowds and obstacles, we went home with the little food we had.

This was a great observation experience, and I felt better about that exposed ledge :)

Mat

Garlic

Today was another small adventure. Both Eagles parents decided to take me on a little sight seeing trip. Lai Si was the only one with a camera and all the pictures she took were of me only.


The first place we had gone to today was, what they called, the hotel they owned, but this was no hotel, it was a motel, which had about 15 rooms at the most and was occupied by only one couple at the time. The rooms were about as large as my bathroom and each had two small beds and two very small desks at each bed. There was a little window in each room, but barely any light came in because of all the scum. Lai Si watered all the little plants around the building that she had put there to make it look prettier, and I couldn't say it was beautiful, but it was a very unique place to keep a business going, and I admired it. After we had stayed a while to water all the many plants, we crawled back into the three wheeled car and attempted to squeeze through the small entrance to leave. I turned to her and told her that in English, it was not a hotel but it was called a motel. I said this in half Chinese. I explained that Xiou (which is small) was Motel, and Da (which is big) was Hotel. She was very happy she learned something new, so, the whole rest of the sight seeing, she repeated, "motel motel motel," until it stuck in her head.


Our second destination was at a large building. They took me to see it from across the street, but we didn't ever go inside. They tried to explain to me that next Sunday, this is where my LDS branch would meet. I was glad I was able to communicate this to them and now I know how far it is from the apartment.


It is difficult to understand the language, and sometimes it is frustrating not knowing what I am told, but that is part of this kind of adventure, and I accepted it from the first day I came.

The third place we drove to, was a university, and this is where my Grandma and Grandpa Arnoldsen had taught English to the Chinese. Lai Si and I were very excited about it. She wanted to tell me everything about what goes on here and what happened when my Grandparents had come, so she tried her best to speak but she couldn't tell me, so she started trying to look for anybody who could translate. She must have asked about 15 people before she gave up. I wish I could have known. I was standing in the exact spot my Grandparents had been when they had come to Jinan. I was only about 5 years old at that time.

When we were done looking around the city, we did some shopping. We bought some apples and peaches off the street. I tasted a sample of the peach. Even thought the peaches here look unripe and hard to bite through, they are actually very good and I told the seller immediately after I took a bite "hou che, hou che," which meant very yummy, so Lai Si bought two bags of peaches. When I thought we were going to go home, both Lai Si and her husband motioned for me to come in the small building not far from where we bought the apples and peaches. They wanted to visit a friend that had a small business on that street. I still don't know what the business was, but we went inside for a while, and while we did, I heard my age said again and I nodded to comfirm what had bean told. The business owner gave me a coke to drink and I sat down listening to them while petting the owners small dog.

All the time I hear my age said in the Chinese language when Lai Si introduces me and tells of the reason I am here, so when she stops to talk a while and I hear those words over and over, that is how I know they are still talking about me.


When we finally left the building, I hopped back into the car. Lai Si had then dropped her glasses and a lens fell out. The owner saw this and then pointed down the street shouting something. While me and Lai Si's husband drove slowly down the street, Lai si walked beside the small car to a glasses shop to get it fixed immediately. They told me to wait in the car across the street from the shop, and I didn't mind, but I wondered why they wanted me to stay in the car. For about 15 minutes I waited. I could hear them in the shop. Men were talking to both Lai Si and her husband and I (once again) heard my age being said (ta shi shi liu sui). When I heard this, I looked over and saw all their faces. They couldn't believe how young I was and how I could do this on my own.


We stopped to have lunch in a small restraunt near the gate that led to the apartment buildings. I had rice and noodles with a lot of garlic. They make everything with garlic, nothing is without it. Sometimes they even give you this whole thing of it so you can choose how much you want on your meal. Lai Si's husband showed me how to eat the food there. He took a bite of the garlic and then snatched some rice in his mouth. I did the same, but I didn't think it was a Chinese thing to do, it was just what he does. I feel like everyday I sweat garlic, and eating it alone was a little too much. Even wen I see garlic in the kitchen, I think of my dad and how he dreads garlic. He said he would rather take a bite of dung. I understand what he actually meant, he not only dreads it, he doesn't even consider it to be edible, and I think I finally agree with him about that.


When our bellies were full, me and Lai Si decided to walk it off instead of getting back in the little car, and I was glad to, that car is really just a motorcycle with a shield around it. I think I should buy a helmet while I'm here.


The day went a lot better then yesterday, when I didn't eat a thing because I was fasting and I stayed in the apartment all day with complete silence and awkwardness, but that is just another little adventure yet to be told.

Mattie :)

A Hard Lesson

It's already been a week since I left Xian, but the last night at Starfish was a little overwhelming. My camera was stolen after going with a friend to the fountain show. The water works were beautiful, and the music went perfectly with each fountain as they shot up and down and side to side. It was incredible and of course I had my camera with me. Yes, near the water....

I meant to be careful, very very careful, but after a short while we decided to cross one of the water areas after the fountains had stopped for a while. Well, they stopped and we ran and we got wet. I was very disappointed in myself for doing something so stupid. So, later, after this dumb act, I took out my battery and also my camera card. I wanted to leave right then because I was so sick to my stomach about what I had just done. This is how I broke my other camera. When I was on a backpacking trip with some friend, I dropped it in the water. This camera was also purchased by my parents, so you can imagine my thought and worries after that moment when I got yet another hunk of money lost. When I was about to motion to Linn through the crowd that I thought we should go home, a woman told me she wanted a picture of me with her daughter. I don't understand why they do this. They could just find a foreigner on the internet and photo shop! But I didn't refuse her and went ahead with it. I smiled for about 50 pictures and when I was finally able to rest my smiling muscles, the crowds were all ready leaving, which meant it was going to be impossible to grab a taxi, or find a spot on a bus!

I put my camera in my camera case and held on to my pouch as we ran to grab a bus.

People in China don't show kindness at all when it comes to vehicles, they only show strength and swiftness, so, me and Lin did the same as well, and for only a couple minutes I let go of my pouch and case and let it hang to my side as I pushed my way through the people onto the bus, which was already crowded before we got on. When I was finally able to get on, pay for the ride and reach a line in the middle of the bus, we had all ready gotten to the next stop. I held on once again to my things. I felt emptiness in the camera case. I felt like a rock throne into the ocean and I would never stop sinking to the bottom. I yelled to Linn with hope that she could do something for me, but even if she decided to help me look for my camera, it would already be too late.

In this country, no body asks around to see if they dropped something, they just pick it right up and put it in their own pocket, but I still looked at everyone hoping that if they saw how worried I was, they would reveal it and give it back to me, but that was false hope. So, as I kept on sinking, I thought about what I was going to tell my parents. I rehearsed my actions and speech the whole ride home, then I would imagine what my family was going to say. Of course, I knew they would be disappointed, but the great thing about my parents is that they always accepted reality. I always wondered what they really thought once I told them. I still wonder if there was any secret anger towards me in their minds, but the moment I called them and told them I heard what I expected. Mom said, "Oh, darn, well it happens and your just going to have to learn from the mistake of the fact that you didn't keep your things in better check." My dad said the same thing but it didn't make me feel any better, so I started to look towards the good things that happened from all of this. When I got the camera wet, I got it all on tape, which was kind of funny, therefore, because it was soaked with water, I took the battery out and the card, so the person that took it wouldn't be able to use it anyway.

The case wasn't mainly for this camera, it was just a small case my dad gave to me, and it didn't fit perfectly, but it shut completely. I always made sure it was shut tight, but because it shut with Velcro, it would have been easy to just rip it open and let it fall out, so I know I hadn't dropped it, someone pick pocketed me!

But pictures don't tell the details of life, they only tell the details of what life physically looks like. If you want to know where I am and where I have been, reading about it is the best solution.

Not even writing about myself will reveal the details of my life, it only gives you a small bit of knowledge about it because I can't express the amazement I have experienced and the many beautiful sights I have seen, but keep reading, because these small details can fill a whole book, and it's worth it to know as much as can be written.

Mat

I arrive in Jinan

Two hours before my flight arrived, my stomach decided to bug me. I couldn't eat, I couldn't even *cry*. It wasn't sickness, nor homesickness, this was a feeling I have never felt before. I was Excitement and completely rarefied at the same time. I didn't know how to react to my host family who didn't speak English or who couldn't even pronounce my name correctly, but that wasn't what I was worried about. The stupid thing about me, is that I love planes, but I don't like the process of getting on the plane, or getting off of it. I am not good at finding my way around open areas. I probably won't feel any better if everyone spoke English. All I wanted to do was to get through that one day, to get to where I needed to go, and then when I get there, pray with all my might and thank God for my safety.

My flight was delayed due to air traffic, but that didn't worry me because I knew it would come sometime. While I waited, I read the Book of Mormon. I could feel the eyes that watched me and I would stop once in a while just to stare back and think at them "Hey, ya that's right! Stare all you want, cause I'll be here for a long time bucko!" Maybe that was the slight anger I had because of the wait until the plane arrived. But when I got to the gate, I felt so much safer and I began to read my patriarchal blessing. I felt the spirit and was able to breath again.

I don't remember the plane ride very well because I was so exhausted. I do remember getting a slight ear ache though. When I reached the baggage arrival area, I felt weak and lonely, like the
worst was coming. But when I got to the exit of the airport, I could see smiling faces, joyful laughs were signaling to me, that's right! ME! It was like I was home again, it was like they were waiting for one of their own. The mother of Eagle and Linda grabbed me and hugged me right when she reached me. Of course, the boys there, like Eagles brother, the driver and Eagles dad, were too shy to do so, but they said hello instead of swinging me around, like my own mom would do. Eagles brother's son was there and I felt bad that they were waiting and wondered why they brought the little boy to such a boring arrival. Ya, I mean, it's just an American who will be living in Jinan till next year!

As we drove back to their home, I was worried most of all whether or not they would have a real toilet. But it went even better. I live upstairs, with a full sized bed and my own bathroom with a shower in a large room that has a view of Jinan and also a room that leads outside to the roof.

I tried to communicate to her that I didn't want to take a shower, but that I would in the morning. The bed was comfy enough and I was so grateful for the way they treated me.

I woke up at about 6:00, then 7:00 then I finally got up to take a shower at 8:00. I waited to see if there was hot water and amazingly, there was. It didn't take long for the hot water to come also; it felt great.

I went downstairs and waited till Eagles mom arrived from her bedroom. I watched the live turtles crawl around in a bowl while I waited, and then I looked out the big window of their apartment and discovered where I was. My mom and dad called at 11:00 am and they gave me good advice about learning the language and being involved with my host family's lives. I knew it was going to be fine.

I ate lunch with them. They fed me too much and I had to turn some food down just so I didn't throw up on the table. I felt bad for wasting some food, but then Eagles dad took my soup and drank it down. I don't know why they thought I could eat so much food. I already explained to them I was full, but of course, they probably didn't understand and just wanted me to try new
things. The soup was tasteless and green. It thought it would taste like pea soup, but it's China. I ate the spicy onions, beef, potatoes and carrots, but the Squash was cold and soggy and I couldn't get it down. I taught her the words "spice," "onion," "potatoes" and some body parts like "cheeks" and "nose". We have been teaching each other and she says that tomorrow I will write things for her in English and she will write things for me in Chinese with the English and teach me words. She is a really good person, and I already feel so welcomed by her :)

Mattie

Getting ready to Leave the Orphange

Shop, pack, eat before flight, say good bye, leave gifts, find a taxi, drive
to the airport, go to the check in, go through security, get to the gate,
make sure you are at the right spot, keep your stuff in check so nobody robs
you, stay calm, stay focused, get on the plane, take off, fly to Jinan, get
off the plane, get your luggage, find your host family, leave the airport
with complete strangers, then.... with all your might, trick yourself into
thinking "I'm Chinese" because the rest of the time will be jumps and leaps
to successfully get through your trials and processes and the good and bad
things that will confuse you.

When you leave your home for a long period of time, it is constant worry.
There may be some days that are relaxing, but most of the time, the
adventure is difficult. So I tell myself, to be a Chinese *person*, to
understand what to do in a short period of time as a new me, and to find
myself as a different human being, just so I can get through those
challenges and worries.


Duo ma?

Mattie

Leaving the Babies

One more day...

Only a couple more moments to enjoy life with these kids. Ethan has fallen in love with everyone and is beginning to adapt to his new home. I'm going to miss that little devil child.

Morgan seems like she is getting along with the other kids in the apartment next door, and her chubby cheeks are getting rosy now. She is my baby. Michelle went outside for the first time in her life on this beautiful day and her eyes were wider than ever.

And Jane is still adapting. She seems a little traumatized by all the crowds of babies who want to play with her, but she is the smart one, I'm sure she will be fine.

Celine is still weak, and has problems off and on, but I have a feeling she is going to get big and strong in just a couple of more weeks. And David, oh David. He is getting cuter ever day, he makes me smile and feel tingly inside. He is such and angel. I love them all.

Yes, everything has been a fun adventure. There where some scary moments in some spots, but Heavenly Father was (no doubt) beside me the whole way.

Every once in a while, when I go for a walk, I cross a path that leads through a small garden area. And this path was not made perfectly. The steps are too close together and uneven, which makes the journey across slow and awkward. It gets frustrating when I step on those stones, but now, I walk how I want when I walk on the path. Even though it is sometimes difficult to walk how I want to and still keep my balance, my stubbornness keeps me going, just like it is here, every step of the way. The road is bumpy, but if you stick to your goals, you will get stronger, and the road will continue to get smoother, step by step.

Mat

Crying's OK

Well, I gave up on the whole "I promised myself I wouldn't cry"commitment. I decided I shouldn't hold in too much emotion.

I will go to Jinan tomorrow, and the one thing I am going to miss are the kids, especially Morgan. She is such a beautiful baby. I have already seen about a month of her life and I know she is going to get adopted in a jiffy! So will Ethan and Jane and all the other kids too, but you know what I mean...

So... I had to admit to my dad that that I missed him... ya I know, I am not as strong at this as I thought I would be. Can ya blame me? I don't know.

Emily did the traditional hair treatment to the little girls while at the reunion, which is a little bit of hair wrapped with colored string, and they all decided they wouldn't take it out till I got home. Ha ha. That is so awesome! Thanks Emily.

We took twenty foster children to the children's hospital this week to get their injections and medicine. You know how I hate needles? Well, I didn't have to see any of that stuff happen because I was holding Ethan, and he doesn't have to get a needle threatening moment cause he is too young still. Yay for me! I... I mean for him. A lot of the Chinese haven't ever seen a baby with a cleft palette, so they stared a lot while we were there. A mom came up with her little girl to say hello to Ethan. Ethan smiled and everyone in the lounge decided to come say hello as well. It was really an odd experience.

So, anyway, we got done with that and then came back home.

I went to the bank to get a new account today and since I was in another public place, people huddled around and wanted to know why I was here and how I was ever allowed to come to China so far away from home in the first place. I told them that this was my choice and my family supported me as much as they possibly could. They immediately responded, "you have so much more freedom than we do!" I just stood there awkwardly not knowing what to say to that. I couldn't just say "sorry." That would be stupid...

Anyway, we finally we got everything settled, but it has been a crazy week.

So wish me luck!
Mattie

I'm not in Kansas anymore

Last night, we tended six babies with only four people. We were anxious to
get two more volunteers the next morning.

I rocked Ethan for about an hour, then gave Celine her medicine, then went back to another crying baby, then back to Ethan by the time dinner was ready.

I ate as fast as I could before he began to cry again. When I wanted seconds, it was too late, and I had to rock him back and forth. Finally, I stopped, put my head between my knees and took a breath. This breath did not make me feel better, it made me more frustrated. I thought I was going to cry myself, but after a silent prayer, he calmed down and I was able to finish eating my dinner. The night wasn't as long as the other nights after I had food in my stomach. Only the little things was what it took to get me through, mainly because I love the surroundings too much, but also because I gained enough strength not to feel sorry for myself. Even the smell of
medicine made me happy, because it was a familiar smell from when I was sick and my mom was taking care of me. Every night I go to bed grateful for the differences I have had a chance to see here, but I still felt that shame of last night. I felt shame because I don't want to be inpatient when Ethan cries when I don't know why, because I have felt like giving up and handing him to someone else. It hasn't come to that yet, but it might, and I feel guilty for even wanting to give up on any of them.

I opened the book of Mormon to Jacob, chapter 5. I read about the olive tree. It said that if you nurture it, it will grow and become healthy. I am sorry, I don't remember exactly what it said, but I received the message. I knew that even though it is hard to take care of something that
requires a lot of patience, you have to remember, that when you do the things you should be doing, blessings will come, and the reward is great. The reward for me, will be to see these kids receive birthdays, have a family, smile, have best friends, and live their lives with goals and
dreams.

Mat

The Magic of Children

If there is one thing I discovered while experiencing all of this,
it is that when a baby smiles, you can't help but smile yourself. - Madison
Barksdale

It is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all. -
Laura Ingals Wilder

The child must know that he is a miracle, that since the beginning of the
world there hasn't been, and until the end of the world there will not be,
another child like him. -Pablo Casals

Where there is love there is no question. - Albert Einstein

Always kiss your children goodnight, even if they're already asleep. - H.
Jackson Brown, Jr.

Children are the hands by which we take hold of heaven. -Henry Ward Beecher

When the first baby laughed for the first time, the laugh broke into a
thousand pieces and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning
of faries. - James M. Barrie

We all smile in the same language. -Anonymous


May you always have
A sunbeam to warm you,
A moonbeam to charm you,
A sheltering angel,
So nothing can harm you. - Irish Blessing

Loving a baby is a circular business...
The more you give the more you get
and the more you get the more you feel like giving. -Penelope Leach

"Sometimes," said Pooh, "the smallest things take up the most room in your
heart."


Mat

David and Celine are home!!!

After the near death experience, we volunteers had some good news to look forward to. Celine and David were finally coming back from the hospital. They arrived this morning before lunch and we were all so excited to see them, even though some of the volunteers had never met them before. Celine was breathing better than before and David got a lot chubbier. I wish I could say that Celine looked better, but as you can see, she has a long way to go before she is completely out of the woods.

We now only have 7 volunteers and 6 babies, and tomorrow, we will only have five people here to help. The nanny that comes every night will need extra help too, so it is going to get a little more intense. This morning I was here alone with four babies for about 45 minutes and I was kind of freaking out hoping I could handle it and luckily, I was in the middle of feeding them all, so none of them were really crying. Phew!

We are going to need more volunteers here and donations of formula are also needed along with small baby clothes for Celine and David. If anyone is interested in donating formula, tell me and I will tell you what kind we need because Celine, David, Ethan and four other babies need a certain kind.

(Note), money is our real problem and also (note) we received about 1000 shoes last week and will not need any for a long time now, so please, no shoes. :)

I hope you will all consider donating or at least pass the message along. Thanks you guys!

Mat

The Sky is Falling

I wake up at about 4:30 every morning to exercise on my roller blades and play basketball. This morning was the same. I woke up, did my ten minutes of yoga and went outside to roller blade. I stopped going around in circles at about 5:30 and began to practice basketball.

Many people are up at about that time and so I thought it would be harmless but one person did not like the sound of a basketball bouncing up and down and so, from at least 10 floors high, this person spilled about 5 gallons of water where I was standing and had barley missed me. They had gotten my back pack when and had luckily missed my very expensive roller blades. I thought nothing of it and assumed some old lady was done washing her clothes, but a few minutes later, a flower pot fell from the sky right next to where I was standing. It shattered and some of the pieces hit me on my ankle. I felt discouraged and partly mad at this person. Since I never saw him, or never proved to myself that I was in any danger, I simply ignored the pot and continued to bounce my ball up and down. A few seconds later, two empty cans dropped from the unknown as well, and so I pretended I did not see it also. Stupidly, I would occasionally go in the area where the things were dropping, just to see if I was actually a target, or maybe part of me wanted to mock this person, but nothing fell on me, it was always just a close call. I played after that for about 10 more minutes, than as I walked off the court, I kicked one of the cans away as if nothing had ever happened. As I walked back to the main entrance, I pictured the face of the person. I couldn't figure out if I was being threatened, if I he was actually trying to hit me,or if it was just some dumb teenager playing a joke. But when I walked away, I felt I had won the game.

I went back and see where the pot had fallen and there was still a little puddle of water. I also knew exactly where the two empty cans had fallen, but someone had cleaned everything up by then.

This is an example of an interesting day in China.

Mat